Tuesday, August 17, 2010

A Comedy of Errors

Well, if I cannot laugh at how the day went, I'd surely be crying by now...

Last night was the eve of my birthday and I was driving home from a business meeting about 90 miles away. A co-worker and I stopped at a gas station to grab a drink for the road, and as I was leaving, plowed into a concrete post, that was NOT visible from any of my mirrors, as it sat so low to the ground. Bumper is damaged and will need repair since I dented it some and scratched of the paint.

Woke up on my birthday thinking "it's a new day." The hubs surprised me with breakfast in bed, but not just any b-in-b...Taylor ham, egg, and cheese on a hard roll. For my Jersey friends, you know he rocks. Where did he find Taylor ham? Nan and Pop came down to celebrate with me, as they do every year, and they always bring me some Taylor ham. Start of my day got even better when C ran in with a homemade birthday card and showered me with hugs and kisses.

I took C to camp for the day, and it all went downhill from there...

I didn't have time to get a shower before shuttling him off, so I thought no big deal and I'd get one later, just threw on some denim capris and a tie-dyed t-shirt, hair a little crazy, no makeup, and flip flops. Camp drop-off was fine, I returned home to realize the dog, who recently had surgery, had somehow removed his cone of shame, and now it was missing...and the dog had chewed out some of his stitches.

Spend 20 minutes roaming the backyard looking for the collar, crawled under the nasty deck where he likes to hide, praying a snake, mouse, etc. was not waiting for me, and still could not find the thing. Walk around the yard one more time and find it wedged behind C's playhouse. I swear the GSD has outsmarted me and hid it back there. Called the vet re: what to do about the stitches.

My company extends me the privilege to work from home, but now I'm late signing on, having played search party for the cone of shame. I get connected and had a call with an exec first thing...and just as the call gets interesting, I hear a loud boom and the line goes dead. Thank you, Mr. Utility Workers on my street, for blowing the transformer. Your time estimate of "it's gonna be awhile" was oh so helpful.

Put GSD back in his cone of shame, grab laptop and cell phone and head to parents house to connect. Cannot connect to their wireless network (Ft. Knox anyone?) and realize I need a MAC address to pre-register on their network. Spend almost an hour on the phone with India, being bounced from tech to tech, to determine how to locate a MAC address. In hindsight, Google gave me directions in seconds. Grab my MAC address, go to sign on, and I still cannot register with their network...to which my mom replies, "Oh, oops...I forgot we can only register five devices." Since five were already registered, I decided to bump off my brother's devices, but alas, it would not allow such. So, at least 1.5 hours wasted at the parents' house.

I could not go to a local company office, dressed as I was, so I called the library to confirm they have free wi-fi, and they do. Drive to library, ask if there is a conference space I can use since I need to make calls. Here's how that went (gotta love local government):

Librarian: "Do you have a reservation for the room?"

Me: "No, is it free?"

L: "It's reserved at 1:30pm."

Me: "Ok, so it's 11:30 now and I can be out in 2 hours."

L: "You need to make a reservation."

Me (silent voice in my head): WTF?

So I proceed to fill out a lengthy reservation (party of one), so the librarian can open the room and let me in, then lecture me about leaving everything EXACTLY as I found it. I still cannot get connected, gather up my laptop and belongings, head back to the librarian to ask the secret to connect and she points me in the direction of the secret code. Go back to room, set back up, and librarian returns with another form I must complete when I am finished using the room. Really?! Get connected to the internet, but VPN will still not connect.

By this time I am on a conference call via my hubs' cell (mine died) and trying to connect. A coworker on the call told me another coworker nearby had room in a spare bedroom office, and I could work there. Great! Turn in my forms, pack-up, and head for the car, doing a big safety no-no: keys in pocket, cell phone cradled on ear/shoulder, carrying too much stuff.

I was parked near a tree line and a HUGE, I mean HUGE, guy comes running at me. At this point I drop the phone, put the laptop out as a shield, and yell for him not to take a step closer to me. He says he just wants to talk to me, I yell not to approach me, gather my stuff, and back my way to my vehicle, watching to make sure he does not approach. As I open my car he turns around to say, "I wasn't going to hurt you; I just wanted to give you this."

It was a Watchtower...so here I am the crazy lady in the parking lot yelling for a Jehovah's Witness to back off. I think his approach may need some fine tuning, but I feel awful I've offended him. If you've taken self-defense training for a long time, it kicks in, and I still operate by "my safety first, your feelings second."

Get back on work call, assure everyone I'm ok and head home to see if power is on. Pull up to cross road and just as I do, bells and whistles go off- train is coming through. Sit through train crossing. Stop home, still no power 4 hours later. Head to Chick-Fil-A to grab lunch, line wrapped around building. Head to coworker's house- and thankfully, get connected and set-up. And thankfully, she looks like I do today.

Then the work calls continue and they were their own form of entertainment.

Receive reminder call from doc that son has 8:15am appt. tomorrow...not on my calendar, totally forgot.

Spent years swimming competetively and now, at 35, have my very first case of athlete's foot, courtesy of our Florida vacation? Nice. Thanks.

If I could ever get pregnant again, I'm now "advanced maternal age."

Finally get home, shower, get ready for birthday dinner- which was great. More to post from vacation, birthday, etc.


  1. Holy goodness, Jen....talk about your no-good-terrible-days! I really hope the homemade cake from your grandmother helped ease the stress of the day.

  2. Dell, reminder of "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" but I was still laughing at the end of it.