Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Surprise, Surprise

It's been a week of surprises thus far, some good and some not-so-good, and it's only Tuesday! C's face sums it up. Let's start with the positives...

Dentist appointment was this morning and C wanted to dress himself (now that I should have snapped a picture of!). Button down shirt, athletic shorts, field explorer vest, pirate treasure pouch tied to vest, knee high socks, and cowboy boots. Natch, right? What? You don't leave the house looking like that? The field vest has many pockets and I noticed they were all bulging. When I questioned C about it, he told me that it was full of money. For what? He thought his cat should have a new toy and he wanted to pay for it with his own money. That's a first for C. When tucking him in tonight I noticed the plug out of his piggy bank and not much left inside. He did, indeed, use his little stash to buy Salem a new toy this morning. Sweet, sweet boy. Redeems him from some of his not so sweet behavior yesterday, but in his defense, a 101* fever will grump you up.

Great report at the dentist for C, but really, how did I totally miss the fact that his upper 6 yr. molars are in? And how did I get told I need to switch to Sensodyne? I've got a few sensitive spots and my dentist explained it as natural with aging. Whoa buddy, who is aging? Four tubes of Sensodyne in my free goody bag later, it must be me.

Our weekend was overflowing. You know that expression "I wish you enough."? It was one of those times where your cup of joy feels totally filled up and that is "enough." Between Friday night's dinner party and Sunday night's cookout, I got to spend quality time with some amazing and genuine women. Fantastic time with friends and family at the lake this past weekend too- hoping it's not so long between visits. Yes Mitch, that hint was for you and Kristin; let's get another weekend on the calendar, our place or your's. And I'm dusting off the Cranium box. Warn Kobe!

I've got a basket full of fresh picked peaches sitting on my counter. YUM!

I guess the upside to your hubs leaving a pot boiling on your stove when you leave for a weekend away is that the house did not burn down.

The not so welcome surprises...

That pot is burned to a crisp and the kitchen still stinks from it. And that was not a cheap pot.

The 101* fever, stuffy head, sore throat, sleepless nights, aches and pains, and cough that have made the rounds through our home are still here. Boo! Go away!

Some folks need a in a turn-on-the-frontal-lobe-in-your-brain kind of filter. I fully recognize that most people have NO IDEA how long we've struggled with infertility and that it took us almost 5 years to welcome our miracle babe. And for that reason, I can put my feelings aside and think of where folks are coming from when they ask if we are going to have more's a natural question, to a degree. Yesterday, it was my old softball coach's wife, today it was the dentist. What surprises me is how often the question arises, almost daily, but again, I think it's a natural curiousity, making small talk, etc. So I can say in all honesty, I'm not put off by the questions. For those who don't need to know the details and ask if we have other children, we usually respond with something along the lines of "not yet, but we'd love to." For those we are closer to, we give the high level summary...because it's not for lack of desire that we've not expanded our family.

Those responses by us are usually met with empathetic responses, which is great, but I think my favorite response was that of my dentist, who we've known for 26 years now: "Well I could think of much worse than being or having an only child." Me too! So, back to the need for a filter. My understanding and empathy ends when those who know the intimate details and minutae of our infertility, even if with the best of intentions, make the most brainless of statements. Rest assured that "it's a good weekend to make a baby" and telling us that we need to relax while on said weekend does not magically make a viable egg and sperm appear. FILTER! Don't you think if it were that easy we'd figured that one out in the past 5 years since C was born? With all of the specialists, experts, and fertility drugs? Would you tell a blind man it's a great weekend to see the fall foilage? The paraplegic it's a nice day for a walk? Really, learn to use the filter! I was slackjawed when that one came hurling my way about a week ago. And it's not the first time I've heard this ridiculousness from this individual, who is very much in the know with our situation, which makes all of this even more astounding. Yes, sometimes I think "speechless" is the only word to describe this exchange. No, wait, there's one more: FILTER!


  1. Sorry to hear that J. I think a big part of it is that people - all people, but especially Americans over the last 50 years- are trained on having MORE. More everything.

    Even though I have a brand new (expensive and big) truck, people ask frequently, "When are you trading it in?" Uhhh, at $500/month, I am not trading it in until the wheels fall off and an arsonist sets it on fire!

    Same thing with kids. Because Hank is still young, we get asked daily about "the next" kid. #1 (and our trials were a full level or two below yours), I don't know if we can go through that again. Not Amy's pregnancy with Hank....but...before. #2, financially it's just not in the cards. I'm working 3 jobs, and Amy works 2. Providence and golden manna aside, we can't work any more and still be at least marginal quality parents.

    Both of those are too tedious to explain to you, I just say, "Yup! Maybe!"

  2. Ahhh, yes, the filter. I just don't get how some people can be so insensitive. Those types of comments never cease to amaze me!

  3. I hear ya sister!! Sometimes I throw in the surprise factor when someone has really made me mad. My response is usually along the lines of...the doctor doesn't recommend it after my daughters died. Your response could be exactly what you put in the last paragraph. "Once a viable egg and sperm appear, we will get right on that." It is mean but sometimes it makes you feel better. People dont realize what they are saying until you tell them. It may only take one person to educate them and you could be that person.