...is one of the toughest days of the year for me. It's bittersweet; I'm so very blessed and thankful to be C's mom and on the other hand, I feel so empty that we continue to struggle with infertility. I always imagined myself with at least two or three kiddos, so the picture to me is still incomplete, and as C gets older, it's a painful reminder that the bonds of a sibling are not there to be shared.
The day always has a rough start too; it's baby dedication day at our church. This morning over 50 families lined up to have their young children dedicated and it just became too much. As a side note, what is it with Baptists having a lot of kids? Biblically, I know it is a blessing, so then I think "what am I doing wrong? Why are we not blessed in this way?" By the time they prayed over the families who struggle with infertility, I had hot tears streaming down my cheeks. Historically, Mother's Day has not usually been a good one around here- something usually goes very wrong. Like the year we spent the day putting together a swingset with the wrong parts, the wrong holes, etc.
Of course I don't want it to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, but this one saw me taking a nice spill on my bike, which I have not done in years! At almost 35, the "after" hurts alot more, I'm sure of that! I have a large black bruise on the back of my thigh, another on my knee, and yet another on my shoulder. We hosted my family for dinner, so I ended up doing a lot of prep work, etc. I told M, next year, can we please just take C and go away for the night and do something FUN on Mother's Day. Our bike ride was supposed to be the "fun" today, but that did not happen.
While you celebrate Mother's Day, don't forget those who are praying to be blessed by a child as well.