Out of the Mouths of Babes

At prayer time tonight:

C: "Mama, I really wish you had a baby sister in your belly."

Me: "Me too C, me too..."

C: "I'd even give her the really big room."

C: " Mom, guess how many days it took God to build the world? Six, it took Him six. And on the 7th day, He took a break!"

Totally in Love

So many updates I need to post, but I'm wiped out from work right now. In the interim, a fun little post about our recent "loves."

1. Jumanji- Somehow, somewhere, C found a DVD around the house of this movie, from 1995! I think this could be somewhat overwhelming for some kids, but C has a great sense of reality versus fantasy. He's totally engrossed in this movie and watches it everyday in the car.

2. Heirloom Tomatoes- I am growing a few plants from seed, but have purchased a few locally and love the green striped ones that are crimson red, almost purple, on the inside. Yum!

3. Starbucks- Yes, I'm back to my love affair with the corporate whore of coffee on every corner. However, my wallet cannot keep up with her expensive fees, nor my body with her massive calories! Still, a White Chocolate Mocha is such a treat.

4. The Magic Treehouse Book Series- by Mary Pope Osborne. We are currently reading book #10, about the wild west and a ghost town.

5. C Reading to Us- This is such a joy and our little reader is really taking off. His favorite one to read right now? Hop on Pop!

6. Hydrangeas- just picked up some "Forever Summer" and cannot wait to plant them this weekend.

7. The Book of Nehemiah- As our church is in a three year building campaign, our current worship series is "If These Walls Could Talk." I never used to find the OT interesting, but this book has really touched me to see how these faithful worked and perservered to rebuild, while opposed from all directions and the enemy infiltrating. Our pastor has a gifted way of bringing it to life, like reading a Hollywood script!

8. Flip Flops- I tend to wear them year 'round, but I'm so thrilled to have my perfectly pedicured tootsies exposed without looking like a crazy lady. Barefoot summers rule, but flip flops are great for those "shoes required" occasions.

9. Monkeying Around- monkey bars forward, backward, upside down, pullups, giving Mama a near heart attack with all of the climbing up high...C does it all.

10. Jersey Days- I have to call these Jersey days because growing up in NJ, we had those perfect days, even in summer: 75 degrees, full sun, low humidity, a light breeze, and wonderful scents from my Nana's garden. Ah, how I love and miss that weather, but every now and then, we get similar weather and I tell M, "YEAH! IT'S A JERSEY DAY!"

Mother's Day...

...is one of the toughest days of the year for me. It's bittersweet; I'm so very blessed and thankful to be C's mom and on the other hand, I feel so empty that we continue to struggle with infertility. I always imagined myself with at least two or three kiddos, so the picture to me is still incomplete, and as C gets older, it's a painful reminder that the bonds of a sibling are not there to be shared.

The day always has a rough start too; it's baby dedication day at our church. This morning over 50 families lined up to have their young children dedicated and it just became too much. As a side note, what is it with Baptists having a lot of kids? Biblically, I know it is a blessing, so then I think "what am I doing wrong? Why are we not blessed in this way?" By the time they prayed over the families who struggle with infertility, I had hot tears streaming down my cheeks. Historically, Mother's Day has not usually been a good one around here- something usually goes very wrong. Like the year we spent the day putting together a swingset with the wrong parts, the wrong holes, etc.

Of course I don't want it to be a self-fulfilling prophecy, but this one saw me taking a nice spill on my bike, which I have not done in years! At almost 35, the "after" hurts alot more, I'm sure of that! I have a large black bruise on the back of my thigh, another on my knee, and yet another on my shoulder. We hosted my family for dinner, so I ended up doing a lot of prep work, etc. I told M, next year, can we please just take C and go away for the night and do something FUN on Mother's Day. Our bike ride was supposed to be the "fun" today, but that did not happen.

While you celebrate Mother's Day, don't forget those who are praying to be blessed by a child as well.

10 Honest Things

I was tagged by my SIL, Dawn, so here it goes. If you are reading this, consider yourself tagged. The rules are I have to list 10 honest (and interesting, but that’s up to you) things about myself and then pass it on to other bloggers.

1. I'm neurotic when it comes to my son...guess I should probably start a "therapy savings account" for him now, while he is young. Really, I just don't want to do it wrong. He's our first, our only, our miracle and I've got one shot to get it right. No pressure.

2. I've stopped watching the news. So much of what passes as news isn't truly newsworthy, and the rest is just too painful. When you struggle with infertility and you turn on the news and every other story is about child abuse and neglect, it's just to much on the heart. The rest of it is SSDD (same stuff different day)- someone got shot, someone dealt drugs, the government is misusing my tax money, some people choose to sit on their asses instead of working an honest job, and there are way too many folks crowding our schools, our communities, and our healthcare systems illegally (I'm all for LEGAL immigration), the weather forecast is innacurate and there was traffic somewhere locally.

3. I'm an avid reader, so much so that if my only quiet time is midnight to 1am, I'll take that hour to read. I also like to write and would love to pursue that more, but I've not found a way to fit that into my schedule.

4. I love to travel. Most women I know spend their money at the spa, the salon, and on the latest fashions. I'll skip stocking the closet if that means I can go on another adventure. C's caught that bug too...started traveling with us at 3 months old and hasn't stopped.

5. I have a soft spot for German Shepherd Dogs. We've adopted two through rescue and their loyalty, intelligence, and ability to forgive are amazing. Our house isn't a home if it doesn't include a sheppie. The current one is neurotic, so we get along well.

6. Shhh...don't tell my hubby this one. He's usually the macho one, but when we decided to learn SCUBA and it was time to dive, we were off the coast of Cancun in very rough surf. When it was time to submerge, he freaked out a litle, so the dive master surfaced with M while I kept descending toward the reef. So there I was on my first dive, 25 feet down on the ocean floor, BY MYSELF, hoping I remembered how to breath, how to clear my mask, that a shark wouldn't eat me, etc. Childbirth proved I'm capable of just about anything, alone on the ocean floor confirmed it. And yes, M finally made it down there too, and had a great time.

7. I'll swim, kayak, board, snorkel, and dive in the ocean, but I get completely freaked out when it comes to swimming/tubing/skiing in a lake or river. I was 4 months pregnant and purposely snorkeled with sharks, but I would not take a swim in a very large lake. I sat in a ski tube and paddled around the cove...'cause you never know when a turtle, snake, or sunfish might get you!

8. I'm giving myself permission to stop investing in a friendship that no longer aligns with who I am. It's liberating.

9. Along the lines of Dawn's cryptic post, the cops once brought me home to my parents at about 2am on a Saturday...story for another time. However, I was not arrested.

10. I miss being thin, athletic, and fit. There, I said it.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

This week is "community helpers" week in C's kindergarten class, which is just another way to say career day for the little people set. I'm a consultant in the financial services industry; bet you've never heard a kid say "I want to grow up and do that!" No? Me neither. I am so very thankful my presentation does not follow the police's...how much of a killjoy would that be? I thought I'd ask C what he knows about my job.

Me: "C, what kind of work does Mama do?"

C: "You play on your computer and talk on the phone all day."

Me: "Is that all?"

C: "You tell people what to do. Sometimes you think they need a time out."

Me: "Ok, well, I also work to help people get the money they need to buy a home. How much do you think a house costs?"

C: "28,000 dollars."

How I wish!

Update on M

Update for family and friends; thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers.

If you are new to M's diagnosis, backstory is here. The quick summary is he was diagnosed with a pre-cancerous condition of the esophagus last March. One minute we were having Sunday dinner at my parents' house, and the next, we'd won a trip to the ER from our county's finest paramedics. After emergency surgery, we learned of M's diagnosis. We've not lost our sense of humor though; we all still joke that M's mother-in-law/my mom may have been trying to knock him off with the pot roast.

Today was surgery #4 and we're not much further ahead than when we started. #1 was the emergency last March, #2 was last October that confirmed high-dysplasia Barrett's, which won us a referral to a univerity medical center. Thankfully, one of the top docs for this condition is within a 1.5 hour drive, so we feel blessed we're not traveling beyond that. We met with this team in November and surgery #3 was in January. That surgery was supposed to be the first radiofrequency ablation of the dysplastic cells, but they did not use the BARRX HALO that day. Due to the high level of dysplasia, they ended up re-mapping the esophagus during that surgery, setting us up for surgery #4. M was a bit frustrated when he came to after #3, to learn that treatment had not begun.

So, today was the BIG day, surgery #4 and the first round of BARRX...and today we hit another barrier. While these are surgical procedures, they are done under very heavy sedation instead of general anesthesia. Even with the maximum "drug cocktail" today, and permission to go sligtly beyond the max, they could not get M sedated enough to complete the procedure. In technical terms it was, "M became combative and we finally had to abort the procedure." Simply put, though heavily sedated on quite the drug cocktail, M ended up trying to remove the scope and block the procedure. He, of course, has no memory of it thanks to a little thing called Versed®. Note to self: if ever shooting him with a tranq. dart, he's not going down easily. See, we still have a sense of humor around here. And he's quite funny when he comes to in the recovery room, always asking for the car keys and today I even got to hear, "He doesn't even have his license Lisa. Gimme da keys!" in perfect Weird Science pitch. You never know what he is going to come up with.

Now M's won a trip to the preoperative anesthesia center, to be cleared for general anesthesia and all future surgeries will be under general. This appointment should take place in the next 2-3 weeks, and surgery within the next 4 weeks. They are eager to get the first surgery down, as the longer the pre-cancerous cells remain untreated, the longer the greater threat remains and grows. We are thankful for such skilled care being nearby, but it makes for an exhausting day full of travel, navigating the downtown area, navigating the hospital system, and just waiting...waiting for surgical prep, procedure, recovery, discharge. I've learned I'm not a very good "waiter." We were both spent by the time we got home, and so thankful my parents offered to watch C a little later. M and I came home and crashed- he woke up for dinner and is back to resting comfortably.

Thank you for all of the prayers and well wishes! More to come over the next 2-4 weeks.

More Out of the Mouths of Babes

Taking C to the doctor this afternoon...

C: "When is Uncle Rudy's birthday?"

Me: "In seven days...what would you like to give him as a gift?"

C: "A country club shirt and a razor."

Me: "A razor?"

C: "Yes, a razor! He needs to shave!"

Me: "Where does he need to shave?"

C: "I don't know, but he needs to shave. He's got hair everywhere."

And there you go- who would have thought of a Gillette as a birthday gift?