A Little Change Goes a Long Way

Someone, ahem, recently reminded me that is has been "ages" since I've blogged...and for me, I guess it has- LAST MAY! As you can imagine, there is quite a bit of living and adventure packed into the last eight months. Brief highlights include a new job (same company), a Disney cruise (divine), a visit to Universal Studios/Resort, turning 37, adventures in Lancaster, PA, Fudge starting 2nd grade, my brother moving to Florida, hosting Thanksgiving, Christmas with the family, and soccer, soccer, and more soccer. Oh, and basketball too. Whew!

So why the photo of a bucket of money? We have an old water cooler bottle that sits in our living room, somewhat hidden behind a chair. The hubs and I throw spare change in there and when we're really living on the edge, paper currency too. I'd say that Fudge throws money in there too, but who are we kidding? He hoards in his piggy bank, which is fine by me. We recently took advantage of Fudge's late January semester break, combined with a wicked good offer from Disney, to head down to see the Mouse and friends for about a week. I decided it was time to trade in the water cooler funds, so I transferred it to a beach bucket and off Fudge and Poppy went to the bank.

Any guesses? Once we weeded out the Mexican pesos and Kuwaiti paper currency (I can explain Mexico but Kuwait? I have no idea.) we had over 36 POUNDS of coins in that beach bucket. Fudge came home from his trip to the bank looking like a little mobster fanning out his cash- about $300! Not a bad jump on spending money for the week, and now the cooler sits empty waiting to be filled up again to put a financial dent in a future adventure.

Where else can a little change go a long way? I've got two major challenges before me this year- getting my home/schedule organized and getting the # on the scale down. Both are really posts of their own, but I've asked myself, what small steps, when added up, make a big contribution? For my JMU grad school buddies "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts!"

On the homefront, OCD me is excited that my dad has agreed to build a closet in some wasted space in our master bedroom, which will mean "his" and "hers" closets...as in not-sharing-a-closet-with-the-hubs-anymore! Really, is it Christmas already? Now I just need to get the room cleaned up enough that this work can be planned and started. I also had my favorite bubba cabinet maker out to draw up some sketches for cabinets/shelves flanking the fireplace, and I just anted up the bucks (ouch) for my first Erin Condren Life Planner. I thought my level of anticipation for this planner was just not normal, but I've found online I'm in very good company as I wait for this beauty to arrive. The tipping point for me being willing to give it a try, beyond the rave reviews, was the offer for $20 OFF through February 28th- just use promo code XOXO20.

What changes are you hoping will go a long way in 2013?

Fudge Makes Dinner

Fudge decided to serve me dinner the other night...what a pleasant surprise that I had fish, milk, yogurt, and lots of fresh fruits and veggies! Maybe all of those Saturday mornings at the farmer's market, in search of fresh fruits, veggies, and seafood, are paying off?

What Are You Doing Right?

Social media can be a fabulous tool for communication and runs the realm of being a collaboration tool and a time suck, inspiring and damaging, thought-provoking and ignorant...all at the same time...one web with many outcomes. As I consider my own use of social media, I find the newsworthy, the celebratory, the information sharing, and the quick connection to those I care about to be the most gratifying. What will not get me to bite is the "vague-booking" status updates, not-so-vague-give-me-constant-and-unwarranted-attention updates and the look-at-my-perfect-life updates (what insecurities are you hiding, not so well I might add?). I'm sure I'm guilty of the latter too; a girl's got to be able to celebrate with friends and family when something is going well. I do celebrate the good times, but I'm also here to be real about what is not going as planned (on-fire tread mills, mis-steps in my new role, Fudge's stunts and ER visits)...it's life right? And to quote Dr. Seuss (yes, I've been part of Read Across America too):

“So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains.” ― Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You'll Go!

Lately, I find it's easy to fall into the trap of trying to live up to "supermom" status, or even "superstar at work" status. Most of you who just read that sentence had THAT mom come to mind- perfect kids, perfect house, perfect figure, perfect spouse, perfect income...perfect, perfect, perfect. The first question I ask is why are we comparing? I'm here to tell you that if I compare, it's a lost battle from the start. My house right now- total mess and chaos (which drives me nuts). If you came to the front door today, we'd be standing on the porch to converse, with the front door firmly shut (how ungracious, I know). Toys are everywhere, laundry is piling up, the floors need to be mopped, toilets scrubbed, showers de-scummed...you get the picture. I still haven't mailed thank you notes from Fudge's party last month, or from the PTA fundraiser. My child downed a piece of pizza and red velvet cake for dinner on the run last night- not our typical fare, but that was his dinner...no veggies, no fruit, no "eating the rainbow." I'd have to ask Fudge when he last washed his hair, Dax needs a good brushing, Salem needs to get back for a check-in with the vet, taxes are looming, summer camp rosters are filling, piano didn't get practiced thoroughly and I feel behind most days. I'm in a new role at work, drinking from a fire hose, and the issues can seem worse when compounded.

For this day, despite the dirty floors and sticky doornobs, the crazy Excel formulas and constant meetings, I am giving myself permission to focus (actually requiring myself to focus on small wins) on what I am doing well...what I am thankful for...sometimes we just need a reminder:

• My team and I pulled off a very successful quarterly meeting for 800+ participants worldwide and with an internationally recognized speaker. WHEW!


• I made it to the market, so we've got fresh, healthy choices stocking the fridge and freezer.


• The laundry mountain is slowly, but surely, eroding.


• I'm learning new skills in the workplace and establishing valuable and meaningful connections.


• My child is usually easy going and happy, healthy, well-adjusted and a blossoming voracious reader...I could learn from him- not to sweat the small stuff.


• I can laugh at myself, even when I am the unintended entertainment...nothing like singing Happy Birthday while unintentionally back-flipping over a couch and taking the whole damn thing with you. Classicly me! And we wonder why Fudge is so accident prone?


• And finally, drumroll please, I've been consistent with my work-outs and I'm down four pounds this week. That was a hard-won victory!

What are you doing well in the midst of demands, stress, and/or chaos? What do you need to give yourself a pat on the back for, despite the mountain in front of you?

Easy Peasy Discipline?

If you're new around here, meet "Fudge." Yes, as in "Super Fudge" and yes, that is my kid, on vacation in Aruba of all places, totally rolling his eyes at me. He's 6, curious, precocious, active, and smart as a whip. What's a girl to do?

Well, this girl is tired...as in slap-worn-out-tired. I work full time, I am "Mama" full time, and in between, like most of you, I need to somehow squeeze in being wife, daughter, sister, friend, teacher, household CEO, planner of the menus, shopper of the groceries, laundry maven, swagger wagon driver, family vet, gardener, and the list goes on, and on, and on. What? I missed posting "maid" too? Have you seen my house? I cannot even claim that title these days. We're a few messes short of a guest spot on Hoarders here, people- keep up!

So what's a girl to do when she realizes she got "the curse that works"? Not heard that one before? It's when your mom/dad said to you sometime in adolescence, "when you are grown I hope you have a child just like YOU." And you, in all of your adolescent glory and total knowledge (because you were the resident expert on EVERYTHING) replied in the sassiest voice you could get away with, "GREAT, I'd love one JUST LIKE ME!". I don't know if I got just like me, or even more challenging, just like me with my brother's mischievous nature and NO FEAR approach to life added in. Are we seeing a correlation here between the month my child turned two and our kitchen renovation including a bar and huge wine rack? Coincidence? No, no...I don't think so.

Now that you know we keep the wine section of Trader Joe's in business despite the downturn in the economy and limited discretionary spending, you also need to know that I am tired of struggling for power. Really, I am over it. The bottom line is free will and choice- I may be able to coerce my child to behave in a desired way, but at the root of the issue, what I really desire is for him to have the freedom to choose to conduct himself in an acceptable manner. I promise, I'll post on the cool things we've been doing and how it's worked, but right now, am more interested in where we are headed.

So a friend I have never met (lovely story for another post) mentioned that she was reading a particular parenting book and it intrigued me. As in no-more-power-struggles-? intrigued me. That is when I finally gave in to Kindle (seriously $9.99 for the Kindle version or $16.99 for the real book, plus shipping costs, plus having to wait for it to be delivered?). Yeah, I broke my I-love-a-book-in-my-hand rule and downloaded the Kindle app. to the iPad 2 my brother generously gave me as a Christmas gift, when they came out this past April. I digress...Kindle, right...we're all on the same page now? Ha- pun discovered and semi-intended.

Instant gratification of the e-book and I read all 185 pages between Fudge getting off the bus yesterday afternoon and my head hitting the pillow last night. Quick, easy read and I KNEW I'd have an opportunity to put the theory to the test in no time. What theory? Well, the basic premise is this- our kids have choices. We help them recognize the best ones, but more importantly we EQUIP them to problem solve from a young age. No helicopter parenting! No struggling for control, and no being upset/impacted by a lousy choice. Focus of our speech is also on what we are going to do. And all of this rolls into nurturing a "heart connection" with our child.

For example, in the past I would have said, "Fudge, please clean up your toys in the front room. I need some office space back...blah, blah, blah." Fudge, of course, has no desire to clean up the mess, so he ignores it. I nag, he ignores, I get angry, he ignores, and somehow we have a battle of wills of cleaning up the office where I am now threatening, punishing, etc. The toys may finally get picked up, but with way too much drama and emotional energy expended. What did I really need to do? Focus on my actions and remain a calm, happy parent while offering choices.
Sound too good to be true? I thought it was, but what did I have to lose? I put it to the test. This evening I told Fudge, "I am getting ready to do some major cleaning in the office. Any toys I find after next Sunday will be packed up, sold, or given away- it's your choice what you leave in there and what you put away upstairs." Now, you can't say it with an attitude- it really needs to be in the tone of sweetness and love. Wow, suddenly I have a happy helper, interested in doing some major sorting and cleaning. No nagging, no threats, etc. And Fudge has a choice to clean up or to let me clean up and decide what happens with all of that stuff. Whatever he decides, it's his choice to make, and either way, I get a cleaner office. We have positive and negative consequences for each choice we make, every day, in our lives.

I tried a similar approach this morning...we are already getting into the being pokey in the morning, then missing the bus routine. I saw the signs of it this morning and I told Fudge with plenty of warning that, "If you miss the bus, you'll need to figure out how to get to school." Really, it was said so nicely. Fudge looked at me like I was smoking something. He remained pokey, and no surprise, missed the bus. I didn't say a word. In my mind, I approached it as "not my problem."
The rest went something like this:

Fudge: "I need to get to school."
Me: "MmmHmm"
Fudge: "I need to get there!"
Me: "So how are you going to do that?"
Fudge: "Well, I can't walk by myself. It's too far and not safe."
Me: "I agree."
Fudge: "Can you drive me please? I don't want to be tardy."
Me: "Hmm...want some help thinking through this?"
Fudge: "Yes, please."
Me: "Well, I suppose I could drive you, but that is like a taxi service, huh?"
Fudge: "Uh...yes..."
Me: "I guess you could hire me for ride."
Fudge: "Ok...how much?"
Me: "I get $5 for the first taxi ride, and I add $5 for each time the bus is missed taxi ride. So today, is $5. But if you miss the bus on Monday it's $10, time after that is $15, well, you know how to count by fives."
Fudge: "Ok, $5 then."
Me: "Super, I'll get my keys."

No screaming "Oh my gosh, you missed the bus AGAIN!" No yelling to hurry up and get teeth brushed, shoes tied, backpack on, etc. Nope- I was calm and cool as he dallied this morning. To be fair, I reminded Fudge that if he missed the bus, he'd need to figure out how to get to school. He decided to call my cards and see if I was bluffing. I was not- and that's another key, you have to follow through.

So, this afternoon when Fudge got home I greeted him as I always do- a big hug and kiss and "how was your day?" And this was followed by, "Now about that $5, I take cash or coin. Of course, if you don't have $5, I am sure we could find a toy to sell for the $5- it's your choice, however you want to come up with the money." Again, sweet tone and he looked at me like I was INSANE, but didn't say a word. Fudge disappeared upstairs and I heard the piggy bank rattling.

He returned downstairs with a handful of coins. We counted them together and got up to $1.78, then I assisted him with the math on how much more he needed to come up with. Fudge went back to his room and came back with more change, which he had to count. He got the total up to $3.78 and was still short, this time by $1.22. When I mentioned I saw a couple of dollar bills on his bookshelf he indignantly declared, "That's Tooth Fairy money!" I just said, "oh, ok...well, you are a smart boy and I know you can figure this out. Let me know if you need help."

Fudge disappeared one more time and returned with a dollar bill and 22 pennies that he had counted out, bringing us to full $5. What really made my heart soar is when he gave it over willingly, without an attitude. I even said, "oh, I thought that was Tooth Fairy money?" to which he replied, "yeah, but it's just a dollar and I am the one who missed the bus and I agreed to pay for my ride like we said. I can earn more dollars." PROUD MAMA MOMENT HERE- but wait, it gets better.

I thanked Fudge for the $5. It would have been less painful for me and easier for him if I'd said, "The $5? Don't worry about that- I call grace." And had I said that, I'd find myself nagging week after week about hurry up, don't miss the bus, and I'd be driving him to school again, and again, and again. I stuck to our arrangement and here's what else I got...

I asked Fudge if he learned anything from this morning, and he CHEERFULLY (again, shocking) said, "Yes. I need to choose to not be pokey in the morning, so that I can get the bus on time, and I won't have to pay a taxi." We'll see how the coming weeks go, but I know one thing- Fudge thought about his actions, his choices, and the consequences. He problem-solved and he kept his commitment. Fudge experienced that we choose our consequences and he decided that moving forward he chooses to not be pokey in the morning and to be ready for the bus. Nagging would have never gotten us there! Yelling, threats, and stress would not have gotten us to that revelation. Instead, I peacefully gave Fudge the space to be responsible for his choices and the outcome was beautiful. I know it won't always work this smoothly, but for today, in this moment, I call victory and amen!

Children's Hospital: Take 2

Apologies in advance that our friends/family are learning about this via our blog- we're exhausted and have not had a chance to call anyone besides my parents.

So, when I said in my previous post that we are so thankful for this hospital, it did not mean I wanted to require their services anytime soon! C, of course, had other plans...or at least his little body did. He woke up at 3:30am screaming in pain, completely inconsolable. All we could get out of him was his neck hurt, his head hurt, and we saw that he could not move his head. When he wasn't making any improvement and could not be calmed, I knew we were in trouble. Of course, it didn't help that I just read a parenting article on menningitis the other day either.

We decided since C was still vocal (screaming) and there wasn't any blood involved, we'd head back to CHKD since we've not been impressed with our local ERs and our "doc-in-the-box" office we love for after hours care is not open in the middle of the night. Off to CHKD we went, thankful for no traffic due to the time of night and that we knew the drill...where to park, where to go, etc. C was immediately triaged and admitted in the emergency department.

I'll save you all of the details (I'm too tired to go through them), but we got to see lots of docs and they systematically ruled out some pretty scary things (menningitis, tumor, aneurysm, migraine, etc.) and figured out that the poor child sprained his neck. Who knew? Evidently, "active kids" can sustain a muscle injury, shake it off/not mention it, go to bed where they are immobile for hours and then the muscle contractions set in and spasm (torticollis). So think of the worse "crick" in your neck, or throwing your back out, and that is what this is like. In C's case, it's keeping him from being able to turn his head or lift his chin from his chest and left shoulder.

The good news is we went from screaming and being inconsolable, with pain all over his head, neck, and shoulders, to getting some relief with pain meds and muscle relaxers.

About five hours after all of this started- no longer screaming

Totally high on Valium- there's a smile

C has been released and we are back home; he is resting. He is still having pain, but we are seeing improvement. He is on the pain meds and Valium for the next 48 hours, no activity, and we are to see his pediatrician tomorrow for follow-up. For our prayer warriors out there, please pray for continued pain management/control and healing of those little muscles/regaining a range of motion in his head and neck.

He must be feeling a little better- he finally wants something to eat and has asked if we'd make an exception for McDonald's...I think that can be arranged. :)

Children's Hospital

My child was EXCITED to learn he was going to the hospital this week. Not just happy or giddy, but slap-your-mama excited. His sweet little face peered over my bedcovers around 7am, already bright-eyed awake and dressed. How disappointed he was to be reminded that his appointment was not for another 7 hours. It has been a couple of weeks since our last ENT visit and this visit was a 2 month follow-up from our last plastics visit. If you're now lost, the back story is here.

C was thrilled when I picked him up from school and we set out on our adventure. From taking a bridge-tunnel (really, people, the tunnel will not swallow you whole; enough with the brakes!) to navigating in the city, parking in the garage, figuring out how to get from the garage to the hospital, checking in, pushing the elevator buttons, getting our parking validated (once a city girl, always...), and having his run of the place. Here are our highlights...

Being sweet in the waiting room

C took this photo of one of the wall murals

Practicing our states and capitals

Having fun

Making faces for the surgeon

Love that toothless grin!

You can't see them, but this man has angel wings!

Looking out of the 5th floor "crown" and enjoying a sucker

Playing in the lighthouse

King of the castle

Not quite ready to head home

Playing on the lawn before leaving, after cafeteria pudding of course

The FANTASTIC news is that C is healing beautifully. The scar from 70+ sutures is fading and looks even remarkably better than 2 months ago. We continue to hear, and know, how blessed we are that C is coming through this unscathed: no impact to his vision and full facial muscle control is regained. His surgeon kept remarking how pleased he was, especially considering all that could have gone wrong, a hair one way or the other...feeling abundantly blessed and thankful for such talented medical care and the healing C has experienced. And I cannot talk about this place without saying please, support your local Children's Hospital. You know it's one special place when kids get excited to go to the hospital!

Alternate Plans

When I decided to take this week off to have some more adventures with C, I asked the hubs to take one day off so we could all go to the beach together. So we picked today, M was finally able to get the time off, and we were preparing for a day at the beach. The kind of day at the beach where you leave early in the morning, stake out a good spot, and enjoying frolicking in the ocean all day. Great plan, except it does not account for your child waking up with an upset stomach...and being ill past noon. With each of C's runs to the bathroom, my dreams of our beach day slowly faded. I felt terrible for C, I felt terrible for M wasting a day off work, and I was frustrated that a beautiful day was going down the tubes. Seriously, it's the most gorgeous day we've had all summer- lower temps, lower humidity, and a steady, balmy breeze.

Sometime after noon, C decided he was ready to venture out, but he did not want to go all the way to the beach. At least we were getting out of the house, and I could live with that. Once we got past the whining of "why can't I bring a friend?" and "because Mama does not want to be responsible for another kid's life in a large body of water," we packed up and got on the road. Sometimes we lay out the best plans, only to have them changed unexpectedly and given something even greater in return. God is so cool like that.

We arrived at the river beach we had decided to visit, to find that the spot we located was completely uninhabited...except for another family who arrived at the same time as us...who were hiking to the same secluded spot as us...who had one little boy with them. C has never met a stranger and walked up to the boy to say, "Hi, I'm C. Want to be friends?" And the rest was history. We spent all afternoon/evening here, the boys playing, swimming, fishing and crabbing- completely wore C out, which is hard to do!

C and his new friend fishing- caught some catfish and one croaker.

C has no fear- just jumped in and kept on going.

I found a shark's tooth!

One happy boy

We made it!

More fishing

And more fishing

And yet more fishing!

View from the cliff- we hiked down to this beach, then over to the left (out of picture) to a secluded beach.

Ferry ride

Age is Just a Number

Meet "Mimi"- we've had the privilege of knowing this wonderful lady for over 25 years now and while we are "stay-cationing" this week, C and I took a drive out to the country to visit with this amazing woman. And while I would never list her age, seriously, does she even look like she'd be an age that may rhyme with "matey" and "nix"? She still gets out and walks miles each day and keeps active; we were lucky to score some time on her busy calendar!

We had a lovely lunch together and spent the next few hours just catching up. It was humbling to hear about this woman's life, especially as she walked me through her photo albums. She has seen and experienced so much in her lifetime and she continues to have an utter and complete zest for life. Below are some highlights from our visit...

C and Mimi in front of the old corn crib

C trying to get Buddy to play in front of one of the outbuildings- the dog was too hot and old to be bothered.

A fresh picked apple!

Mimi and her peach tree

Hot!

Mimi playing soccer with C!

We saw ALOT of this!

C and the John Deere

Not quite as tall as the tractor's tire!

Wiped out- slept all the way home.

While C did sleep all of the way home, he was wide awake for the ride out there. This gave us plenty of time to talk about the crops we saw (corn, peanut, cotton, soybeans, and tobacco) as we wound through back country roads. We even saw something new for me- tobacco prior to the top flowers being cut! This visit reminded me how critical it is to make time for those important to us- fabulous day!

Sweet Surprises

Don't you just love when your child does something completely self-less and sweet? C emptied his piggy bank (all over his bed) this morning, brought all of the change downstairs and proceeded to count coins and divided them into four piles. When I asked what he was doing, C responded, "I want to take M to lunch today at [his favorite place]" He continued to count coins into the four piles and explained one pile was for limeades, one for cheeseburgers, one for french fries, and one for desserts. Then he dumped all of the coins into a zippy bag, asked me to call M's mom for a lunch playdate, and toted his coins out to the car, for our big adventure.

Just when I think he's being selfish, or not listening, or greedy, this shines through and I am so very thankful for the tender heart of my sweet boy. Something else just as sweet? These two have been friends since they started preschool together at age 2 1/2 and their little friendship continues to thrive. And it's interesting to note that her mom and I went to school together and grew up four doors down from each other, so sometimes it's surreal to see these two playing together! A few photos below from our big adventure...

Lunch at their favorite drive-in

Checking out the harbor

Solved the maze and found Posideon

Maze conquerors

We all scream for ice cream! Ok, really, it's frozen yogurt.

Starting the Summer Reading program at the library

Making a map

Sometimes You Just Have to Laugh!

C is just shy of 6 1/2 years old, and we are a tired bunch because, despite his age, C STILL does not sleep through the night. Business trips are when I get uninterrupted sleep, which usually still ends up interrupted with catch-up for work. Anyway, true to form, we heard C get up last night. The hubs and I were downstairs watching something on History International (hot Saturday night, I know) since I just wasn't sleepy (rare). And we heard C get up, but it sounded more like a thump, so we both ran for the stairs, afraid he fell out of bed.

No, the dear boy had not fallen. He had stumbled into the bathroom and there he stood in full glory PEEING IN THE LAUNDRY BASKET...FULL OF CLOTHES! I thought, "am I really seeing this?" And it was one of those long, did-you-swallow-the-ocean-today? type of pees. To top it off, he was still asleep. The boy SLEEPWALKED into his bathroom and let loose on the basket.

There are many ways to react to situation such as this, but really, what are you going to do? The hubs and I were so stunned, and so wiped out, that all we could do was laugh...belly-busting laughter...which woke C up...which means he turned to the sound of the laughter, and in doing so, continued to stream all over the bathroom floor. He opened his eyes and shouted "STOP LAUGHING AT ME!" all the while, still urinating all over the floor. He proceeded to pull his pants up, marched back to bed, and had absolutely no recollection of the event this morning. I may have been up until 2am doing laundry and scrubbing the floor, but I can say it was completely worth it for the laughter.

Almost Summer

A sure sign of summer on our horizon is the peak of strawberry season, and I think last weekend was the "it" weekend. It was a bountiful crop this year; the overcast sky and swift breeze kept it comfortable while we went to work. And for a kid who refuses to eat strawberries, he sure works hard at picking them!

Look at this beauty!

Perfection!

C guessed that we picked 10 pounds, I guessed 12, and we came in with 12.5 pounds! Pretty good estimation skills for a little guy.

C loves to check out all of the tractors and farm equipment. I like that we found a farm that is nearby!

Stopped by the park on the way home.

Is that a frog in front of those roses?