Thankful~ Day 1: My Faith

I've not participated in the "thankful for" series in the past, but I felt moved to do so this year. When I think of the first thing I am thankful for, it is my Creator, life, the ultimate sacrifice and grace, and my faith. Note that I did not state "organized religion," but faith. Yes, I worship in a church and yes I love my church, but faith is not religion. Faith is a relationship with my Savior, Jesus Christ. And He is, indeed, risen.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16

Friday Night Leftovers

• We're not really cold cereal eaters around here, except for some Kashi every now and then. The ONE big exception we make is Fudge can indulge in Fruit Loops when on vacation and I love Boo-Berry cereal at Halloween. And, guess who didn't look into getting any a month ago? That's right, me. Cannot find a box of it anywhere, but stores are overflowing with Christmas items. Seriously, can we enjoy one holiday at a time please?




• I am hosting Thanksgiving this year, and while there is so much to be done to get the house in proper order (yikes), I am THRILLED to be hosting and that we also have family from out of town joining us. Seriously warms my heart!




• I'm behind in my master plan of holiday prep (ba-wa-ha-ha), but I will catch up...right?




• This is going to be one busy weekend, between everything to be done here and needing to get photos edited and printed for a crop next weekend. So excited- girls' weekend at the beach to catch up on some albums with some great women.




• Anyone else out there hooked on the new show Revenge?




• I was recently asked during a conference call what's the one kitchen item I could not live without. It was a tie for me, between the Pampered Chef garlic press and my Keurig.




• I've previously stated that I may need to turn in my Yankee passport...cooking greens and buttermilk fried chicken and all that. (Note: I do, however, love my home state of New Jersey.) Today may have been the tipping point...I was at a very crowded store and of course, someone left his/her cart blocking an aisle...and no one was around to claim it. Seriously, not in sight! And you know, nothing stands between me and my K-cups, so I move the cart all of 2 feet so I could get to the coffee. This older woman comes flying around an endcap hollering "THAT'S MY CART!" (um, hello, chillax) with the most annoying New York/Long Island accent, while gabbing on her cell phone LOUDLY the whole time as well. After politely telling her I didn't want her cart, I wanted to get some coffee she repeated "WELL THAT'S MY CART." And you know by this point I wanted to say, "then move it out of the aisle b****" but I just smiled sweetly and said, "and it's all yours" and walked away. But I have to admit, as I was walking away, I couldn't help but think "why can't all of these annoying New Yorkers pick another place to retire? Damn annoying Yankees with their ignorant New York accents." And for my Massachussets friends, the letter R is, indeed, still a functioning member of the alphabet.

Please leave some comment love and visit the original FNL to see what dish Danifred is serving up and join in the FNL yourself.

Friday Night Leftovers- The Longest Week

Hellllooooo Friday! Getcha some leftovers here...

-Whirlwind week was full of soccer games, school volunteering, teacher conference, homework, reading, library, a corn maze, the movie COURAGEOUS (awesome, awesome, awesome- go take your man to see this!), and Robert Amaya spoke at our church on Sunday. What a full week!

-Speaking of church, one of Fudge's best little friends is Jewish (dad is a rabbi). I am thankful that though we hold different beliefs and traditions, both families are open to sharing time together when it includes their respective faith. We were honored to be included in their oldest daughter's Bat Mitzvah celebration this year, Fudge has attended synagogue picnics and tonight, Fudge will join his friend in celebrating Simchat Torah at their synagogue. Frankly, he is looking forward to lots of candy. I'm also thankful that when his friend expressed an interest in joining us for church, the family was open to that and allows him to go with us. Most of all, I am thankful that the difference in faith is not even a blip on the radar for the boys...one shares what he is learning in Hebrew while the other talks about the 12 disciples, and they like that Moses is a common guy. What really gave me a laugh recently was the heated game of dreidel they had going on the other day- who knew? I think the boys know what I wish most adults would figure out: Fudge celebrating with a friend at synagogue doesn't make him any less "Christian" and his friend worshipping with us doens't make him any less "Jewish."

-Being the voracious reader that I am, I am hoping to raise a voracious reader. My mom recently bought Fudge The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, which we read in no time. Tomorrow, we are taking him to see a children's theater production of the story and we are looking forward to that. And we get to visit my alma mater, and a trip to Carl's- totally in love with my Saturday already...and still ordering what I did in college almost 20 years ago (yikes, we are getting old)- hot fudge sundae with strawberry ice cream. YUM!

-Who scored two pre-sale tickets to Cirque Holidaze? THIS GIRL! Balcony box seats for me and Fudge to kick of the holidays. Sad to say, theater tickets are so expensive that the hubs and I usually split who takes Fudge to see what. Hubs got to take him to The Lion King last year, so I get Cirque. Sssshhh- don't tell hubs the boys weekend away last year was really for me to have some peace and quiet to catch up on Christmas preparations.

-Girls weekend at the beach is coming up- looking forward to the down time.

-My 15+ year old washer is just about dead...any suggestions on a replacement?

-Our parakeet, we've had for a month, is still terrified of us. Suggestions?

Please leave your comment love below, then go visit the original queen of the leftovers, Danifred.

Bedtime Talk

Halloween 2008

Age 3

I've found with Fudge that he asks the most profound questions of the day once it is over and he is snuggling into bed at night...maybe he is a "processor" like his Mama. The past few nights the questions have given me a giggle...

"Mom, why do rappers wear their drippy drawers so low that you can see their hiney cracks?" (No idea my child even knew what a "rapper" is, and he couldn't answer that question for me, except to tell me our neighbor thinks he can rap and "no, really, he can't.")

After reading a bedtime devotion on the creation of Adam and Eve: "Oh, I get it...when you see someone who doesn't have a full body part, like some people are missing an arm, it's still stuck in their rib, right? Can they just pull it out of their rib?"

And finally, last night's chuckle came from me reading Cinderella to Fudge at bedtime. When I got to the part of the Fairy Grandmother, I asked Fudge if he remembered what she says, to which he replied, "BOOGEDY, BOOGEDY, BOO!"

Friday Night Leftovers...The Grumpy Edition

• I am grumped up...as much as when I was on fertility drugs (explain that one to me). I need this grumpiness to go away, because frankly, it's pissing me off!


• Fudge has not missed the bus since I charged him $5 to play taxi. Hmmm...maybe that worked?


• Soccer, we live at the soccer field these days...three days a week. But I love wathcing Fudge running up and down the field and having a great time.


• Did I mentioned we got a bird? I caved and let Fudge get a parakeet three weeks ago. It seems sweet, but I am afraid it's going to bite me. Oh, his name is Sir Washington.


• The school situation is still a mess due to construction delays, so Fudge is one of six classrooms in the gym, or as our neighbor likes to call it: "refugee camp."


• We are decorating for Halloween this weekend. Finally, because in my book, we are a week late.


• I have Monday off while the hubs has to work and Fudge has school. So, as much as I "should" be doing something around here, I am giving myself the gift of peace, quiet, a good book, a soft blanket on the couch, and maybe even a nap. Go me!

Easy Peasy Discipline?

If you're new around here, meet "Fudge." Yes, as in "Super Fudge" and yes, that is my kid, on vacation in Aruba of all places, totally rolling his eyes at me. He's 6, curious, precocious, active, and smart as a whip. What's a girl to do?

Well, this girl is tired...as in slap-worn-out-tired. I work full time, I am "Mama" full time, and in between, like most of you, I need to somehow squeeze in being wife, daughter, sister, friend, teacher, household CEO, planner of the menus, shopper of the groceries, laundry maven, swagger wagon driver, family vet, gardener, and the list goes on, and on, and on. What? I missed posting "maid" too? Have you seen my house? I cannot even claim that title these days. We're a few messes short of a guest spot on Hoarders here, people- keep up!

So what's a girl to do when she realizes she got "the curse that works"? Not heard that one before? It's when your mom/dad said to you sometime in adolescence, "when you are grown I hope you have a child just like YOU." And you, in all of your adolescent glory and total knowledge (because you were the resident expert on EVERYTHING) replied in the sassiest voice you could get away with, "GREAT, I'd love one JUST LIKE ME!". I don't know if I got just like me, or even more challenging, just like me with my brother's mischievous nature and NO FEAR approach to life added in. Are we seeing a correlation here between the month my child turned two and our kitchen renovation including a bar and huge wine rack? Coincidence? No, no...I don't think so.

Now that you know we keep the wine section of Trader Joe's in business despite the downturn in the economy and limited discretionary spending, you also need to know that I am tired of struggling for power. Really, I am over it. The bottom line is free will and choice- I may be able to coerce my child to behave in a desired way, but at the root of the issue, what I really desire is for him to have the freedom to choose to conduct himself in an acceptable manner. I promise, I'll post on the cool things we've been doing and how it's worked, but right now, am more interested in where we are headed.

So a friend I have never met (lovely story for another post) mentioned that she was reading a particular parenting book and it intrigued me. As in no-more-power-struggles-? intrigued me. That is when I finally gave in to Kindle (seriously $9.99 for the Kindle version or $16.99 for the real book, plus shipping costs, plus having to wait for it to be delivered?). Yeah, I broke my I-love-a-book-in-my-hand rule and downloaded the Kindle app. to the iPad 2 my brother generously gave me as a Christmas gift, when they came out this past April. I digress...Kindle, right...we're all on the same page now? Ha- pun discovered and semi-intended.

Instant gratification of the e-book and I read all 185 pages between Fudge getting off the bus yesterday afternoon and my head hitting the pillow last night. Quick, easy read and I KNEW I'd have an opportunity to put the theory to the test in no time. What theory? Well, the basic premise is this- our kids have choices. We help them recognize the best ones, but more importantly we EQUIP them to problem solve from a young age. No helicopter parenting! No struggling for control, and no being upset/impacted by a lousy choice. Focus of our speech is also on what we are going to do. And all of this rolls into nurturing a "heart connection" with our child.

For example, in the past I would have said, "Fudge, please clean up your toys in the front room. I need some office space back...blah, blah, blah." Fudge, of course, has no desire to clean up the mess, so he ignores it. I nag, he ignores, I get angry, he ignores, and somehow we have a battle of wills of cleaning up the office where I am now threatening, punishing, etc. The toys may finally get picked up, but with way too much drama and emotional energy expended. What did I really need to do? Focus on my actions and remain a calm, happy parent while offering choices.
Sound too good to be true? I thought it was, but what did I have to lose? I put it to the test. This evening I told Fudge, "I am getting ready to do some major cleaning in the office. Any toys I find after next Sunday will be packed up, sold, or given away- it's your choice what you leave in there and what you put away upstairs." Now, you can't say it with an attitude- it really needs to be in the tone of sweetness and love. Wow, suddenly I have a happy helper, interested in doing some major sorting and cleaning. No nagging, no threats, etc. And Fudge has a choice to clean up or to let me clean up and decide what happens with all of that stuff. Whatever he decides, it's his choice to make, and either way, I get a cleaner office. We have positive and negative consequences for each choice we make, every day, in our lives.

I tried a similar approach this morning...we are already getting into the being pokey in the morning, then missing the bus routine. I saw the signs of it this morning and I told Fudge with plenty of warning that, "If you miss the bus, you'll need to figure out how to get to school." Really, it was said so nicely. Fudge looked at me like I was smoking something. He remained pokey, and no surprise, missed the bus. I didn't say a word. In my mind, I approached it as "not my problem."
The rest went something like this:

Fudge: "I need to get to school."
Me: "MmmHmm"
Fudge: "I need to get there!"
Me: "So how are you going to do that?"
Fudge: "Well, I can't walk by myself. It's too far and not safe."
Me: "I agree."
Fudge: "Can you drive me please? I don't want to be tardy."
Me: "Hmm...want some help thinking through this?"
Fudge: "Yes, please."
Me: "Well, I suppose I could drive you, but that is like a taxi service, huh?"
Fudge: "Uh...yes..."
Me: "I guess you could hire me for ride."
Fudge: "Ok...how much?"
Me: "I get $5 for the first taxi ride, and I add $5 for each time the bus is missed taxi ride. So today, is $5. But if you miss the bus on Monday it's $10, time after that is $15, well, you know how to count by fives."
Fudge: "Ok, $5 then."
Me: "Super, I'll get my keys."

No screaming "Oh my gosh, you missed the bus AGAIN!" No yelling to hurry up and get teeth brushed, shoes tied, backpack on, etc. Nope- I was calm and cool as he dallied this morning. To be fair, I reminded Fudge that if he missed the bus, he'd need to figure out how to get to school. He decided to call my cards and see if I was bluffing. I was not- and that's another key, you have to follow through.

So, this afternoon when Fudge got home I greeted him as I always do- a big hug and kiss and "how was your day?" And this was followed by, "Now about that $5, I take cash or coin. Of course, if you don't have $5, I am sure we could find a toy to sell for the $5- it's your choice, however you want to come up with the money." Again, sweet tone and he looked at me like I was INSANE, but didn't say a word. Fudge disappeared upstairs and I heard the piggy bank rattling.

He returned downstairs with a handful of coins. We counted them together and got up to $1.78, then I assisted him with the math on how much more he needed to come up with. Fudge went back to his room and came back with more change, which he had to count. He got the total up to $3.78 and was still short, this time by $1.22. When I mentioned I saw a couple of dollar bills on his bookshelf he indignantly declared, "That's Tooth Fairy money!" I just said, "oh, ok...well, you are a smart boy and I know you can figure this out. Let me know if you need help."

Fudge disappeared one more time and returned with a dollar bill and 22 pennies that he had counted out, bringing us to full $5. What really made my heart soar is when he gave it over willingly, without an attitude. I even said, "oh, I thought that was Tooth Fairy money?" to which he replied, "yeah, but it's just a dollar and I am the one who missed the bus and I agreed to pay for my ride like we said. I can earn more dollars." PROUD MAMA MOMENT HERE- but wait, it gets better.

I thanked Fudge for the $5. It would have been less painful for me and easier for him if I'd said, "The $5? Don't worry about that- I call grace." And had I said that, I'd find myself nagging week after week about hurry up, don't miss the bus, and I'd be driving him to school again, and again, and again. I stuck to our arrangement and here's what else I got...

I asked Fudge if he learned anything from this morning, and he CHEERFULLY (again, shocking) said, "Yes. I need to choose to not be pokey in the morning, so that I can get the bus on time, and I won't have to pay a taxi." We'll see how the coming weeks go, but I know one thing- Fudge thought about his actions, his choices, and the consequences. He problem-solved and he kept his commitment. Fudge experienced that we choose our consequences and he decided that moving forward he chooses to not be pokey in the morning and to be ready for the bus. Nagging would have never gotten us there! Yelling, threats, and stress would not have gotten us to that revelation. Instead, I peacefully gave Fudge the space to be responsible for his choices and the outcome was beautiful. I know it won't always work this smoothly, but for today, in this moment, I call victory and amen!

Friday Night Leftovers- I'm BAAAAAACCCCCKKKKK!

It's been a crazy past four weeks, full of joy and sorrow and a blogging slump. I love writing, so I really do need to make more time to blog, even if just for my own catharsis of having a forum for writing. Here's the latest...

Aruba was AMAZING! Really, my favorite Caribbean island thus far, and I've been to a few. I think our tradition of OBX is on it's way out and Aruba will be on it's way in. My goal is to chronicle our vacation highlights (so I don't forget) and post some pics along with it.

Sadly, my grandmother was killed in a car accident (NJ) while we were in Aruba. We returned home to travel to NJ and say goodbye. Instead of planning the 90th birthday surprise party, the family was planning a funeral. Absolutely heartbreaking. If there's one thing I saw as the entire family came together is that she had a knack for making each and everyone of us feel special- quite an accomplishment when you consider she had more than 55 grandchildren (including great- and great-great)!

Fudge started 1st grade and a huge shout out to the hubs for being super parent while I was in NJ that week.

I am back to being a soccer mom- Fudge swapped out the baseball cleats for soccer this fall and he has not looked back. So, three days a week we are on the field and the first game is tomorrow if we are not rained out.

I did something for myself yesterday- I said YES to an all-day crop next Saturday! Now to get all of those photos printed...I will have a completed album of something yet (said the woman who never got the baby book totally finished).

We've had some parenting revelations around here and cannot wait to share them (separate post, coming soon).

The weekend is off to a good start after this crazy work week: Thai lunch with my mom, volunteering in Fudge's classroom (where one little boy said, "you have awesome, rock-star hair!" ummm,...ok), pizza and a movie with my fellas tonight.

Fudge continues to ask when he's going to get a little sister...in the meantime, he did get a bird. Sir Washington the blue parakeet joined our zoo last week.

Ok- your turn!

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