Last week was Dr. Seuss week at school and I had the pleasure of reading to C's class. With all of their celebrations and fanfare, Dr. Seuss has been on our minds. Tonight at dinner, C was looking at a cup we purchased a few years ago that has Dr. Seuss characters on it. C kept turning the cup and naming characters, but this one had me laughing...bet you've never met this character before!
C: "Hey Mama, look! It's Urinal the Turtle on my cup!"
Me: "You mean Yertle the Turtle?"
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
The Culture of Death
I've never dealt with death head-on...I'm really an avoider what it comes to tragedy. My paternal grandfather died when I was 8, and while it hit me hard and was very sad in my little life, my family never involved the children in the cultural expectations of a death. My brother and I did not go to the viewing, the funeral, or the wake for my grandfather. My mother strongly believed (and still does) that a child should remember a loved one based on the memories and experiences they have built, not me being left with the final image of my grandfather in a coffin.
My maternal grandfather died of cancer during the first week of my senior year of college; he was in his early 60s. And again, while this was another tragedy to our family, I was relieved my grandfather was no longer suffering. He also was not big on how our culture reveres death and donated his body to scientific research; he figured why would he need his earthly body when he had already passed on to be with his divine creator- God. It ended up that research could not accept his body due to the levels of toxic chemo drugs remaining in his system, so he was cremated. He did not want to be buried, nor to extend the obligation of visiting/upkeep of a grave... "Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not here, I do not sleep..." His memorial service was so beautiful- full of photos of him from his childhood up until cancer robbed him of his vitality- healthy, shining, and bright. It was a beautiful way to say goodbye, and after the service, his brother took him for one last ride on his Harley. Yep, you read that correctly. The box containing my grandfather's ashes was strapped to the back of his favorite Harley and he was taken for one last drive.
Almost exactly two years later, my parents placed the call I think every parent must dread. I was in my apartment, in my second week of my second/final year of graduate school, and I received a call from my parents that my best friend had committed suicide. To this day, a part of me remains empty from that loss. But again, why focus on the death instead of the beautiful life? Like my grandfather, my friend's family hosted a beautiful memorial service, my friend was cremated, a tree planted in his honor, and a wake followed at the family home, to draw together and remember how this one life touched so many others along the way.
My father-in-law passed in '99, my brother-in-law a couple of years later, and two of my uncles and a dear family friend after that. I fully respect that how I was raised to work through loss/death is different from what "the standard" is, but I make no apologies for that. I traveled with M when his father passed, we could not afford for me to travel when M's brother passed. When one of my uncles passed, I was not able to travel to the funeral, and thankfully, my family was very understanding of such. Another uncle passed and I was able to travel and participate in the funeral and wake. When a dear family friend passed in 2005, C was only a few weeks old, which also meant I was also only a few weeks past a C-section and not very mobile. The funeral required a drive of 3.5 hours each way- 7 hours round trip with a newborn. It just was not feasible. And it wasn't just about C's age or my surgery...this would have been the first time many would meet C, and I didn't want him taking the attention from an event that was intended to focus on our loved one. I chose to stay home with C and my family and friends fully respected that decision, no repercussions or hard feelings. We lost M's 14 year old nephew in January- M attended the viewing and I joined the family the next day for the private burial. I hope it was not offensive to the family that I did not attend the viewing; that was not my intention.
Why outline all of this? Tragedy has struck again, followed by judgment with how Mark and I have chosen to deal with it. I think the Irish have it right- throw a party, celebrate a life well lived and, hopefully, the deceased entering into heaven. I've verbally shared with my family, if and when I go, put up some photos of the good time, have my pastor host a memorial service at our Baptist church, and throw a HUGE party afterwards, focusing on the positive and the good, not mourning, not focused on death. No viewing, no burial, etc. Focus on the good times, cremate me, and do what you will with my ashes. Scattering them at the tide line sounds good to me.
Last week, we surprised C with a trip to Disney World- all out! This time we stayed on property for 8 days with Park Hoppers and a dining plan. It was magical and we made FANTASTIC memories with our little guy that I will hold in my heart forever. We arrived at our resort on Saturday the 20th, and late on Sunday the 21st, we received word that a family friend passed away unexpectedly. At that time, the family had not established final arrangements and all we knew is that the family was traveling to upstate NY on Tuesday to make arrangements. I should clarify, these friends are family to my husband, so in their eyes, this is essentially his "sister" passing unexpectedly.
We did not cancel our vacation. Even if we had decided to travel, we could not have done so. Not only would it have been terribly cost prohibitive, but over 2 feet of snow was falling in the Northeast and planes were not easily moving. We didn't even learn of plans until Thursday morning, the same morning as the visitation, followed by services on Friday. And while our conversation did not go there, M knows where my focus was. Our son is very much alive and we were celebrating his life, not going into a situation that could not be changed. Traveling to NY would not bring her back, would not change the tragedy that had already occurred. Because the ground is frozen until spring thaw, she cannot even be buried until sometime in April or May and we are planning to join the family for the burial, even though financially it will be challenging. Now, M has spoken with both of his "brothers" and while I shouldn't be surprised by their response, I am. Both have expressed that he should have been there- the whole family was there except for him. One was much more understanding than the other, but I know M is hurting that it now appears to be a grudge against him that we didn't cancel our vacation and travel to upstate NY, despite not even knowing the arrangements that were made. I stand by our decision, which was really a decision forced by lack of information about arrangements/inaction. But not to hide behind a lack of information, even with advance knowledge of the arrangements, I would not have canceled my time dedicated to celebrate my son. And how ironic the same "brothers" that claim to be family never recognize anything important within our own family unit, such as M's birthday, major accomplishments, etc.
What do you think? What would you have done faced with the same situation?
My maternal grandfather died of cancer during the first week of my senior year of college; he was in his early 60s. And again, while this was another tragedy to our family, I was relieved my grandfather was no longer suffering. He also was not big on how our culture reveres death and donated his body to scientific research; he figured why would he need his earthly body when he had already passed on to be with his divine creator- God. It ended up that research could not accept his body due to the levels of toxic chemo drugs remaining in his system, so he was cremated. He did not want to be buried, nor to extend the obligation of visiting/upkeep of a grave... "Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not here, I do not sleep..." His memorial service was so beautiful- full of photos of him from his childhood up until cancer robbed him of his vitality- healthy, shining, and bright. It was a beautiful way to say goodbye, and after the service, his brother took him for one last ride on his Harley. Yep, you read that correctly. The box containing my grandfather's ashes was strapped to the back of his favorite Harley and he was taken for one last drive.
Almost exactly two years later, my parents placed the call I think every parent must dread. I was in my apartment, in my second week of my second/final year of graduate school, and I received a call from my parents that my best friend had committed suicide. To this day, a part of me remains empty from that loss. But again, why focus on the death instead of the beautiful life? Like my grandfather, my friend's family hosted a beautiful memorial service, my friend was cremated, a tree planted in his honor, and a wake followed at the family home, to draw together and remember how this one life touched so many others along the way.
My father-in-law passed in '99, my brother-in-law a couple of years later, and two of my uncles and a dear family friend after that. I fully respect that how I was raised to work through loss/death is different from what "the standard" is, but I make no apologies for that. I traveled with M when his father passed, we could not afford for me to travel when M's brother passed. When one of my uncles passed, I was not able to travel to the funeral, and thankfully, my family was very understanding of such. Another uncle passed and I was able to travel and participate in the funeral and wake. When a dear family friend passed in 2005, C was only a few weeks old, which also meant I was also only a few weeks past a C-section and not very mobile. The funeral required a drive of 3.5 hours each way- 7 hours round trip with a newborn. It just was not feasible. And it wasn't just about C's age or my surgery...this would have been the first time many would meet C, and I didn't want him taking the attention from an event that was intended to focus on our loved one. I chose to stay home with C and my family and friends fully respected that decision, no repercussions or hard feelings. We lost M's 14 year old nephew in January- M attended the viewing and I joined the family the next day for the private burial. I hope it was not offensive to the family that I did not attend the viewing; that was not my intention.
Why outline all of this? Tragedy has struck again, followed by judgment with how Mark and I have chosen to deal with it. I think the Irish have it right- throw a party, celebrate a life well lived and, hopefully, the deceased entering into heaven. I've verbally shared with my family, if and when I go, put up some photos of the good time, have my pastor host a memorial service at our Baptist church, and throw a HUGE party afterwards, focusing on the positive and the good, not mourning, not focused on death. No viewing, no burial, etc. Focus on the good times, cremate me, and do what you will with my ashes. Scattering them at the tide line sounds good to me.
Last week, we surprised C with a trip to Disney World- all out! This time we stayed on property for 8 days with Park Hoppers and a dining plan. It was magical and we made FANTASTIC memories with our little guy that I will hold in my heart forever. We arrived at our resort on Saturday the 20th, and late on Sunday the 21st, we received word that a family friend passed away unexpectedly. At that time, the family had not established final arrangements and all we knew is that the family was traveling to upstate NY on Tuesday to make arrangements. I should clarify, these friends are family to my husband, so in their eyes, this is essentially his "sister" passing unexpectedly.
We did not cancel our vacation. Even if we had decided to travel, we could not have done so. Not only would it have been terribly cost prohibitive, but over 2 feet of snow was falling in the Northeast and planes were not easily moving. We didn't even learn of plans until Thursday morning, the same morning as the visitation, followed by services on Friday. And while our conversation did not go there, M knows where my focus was. Our son is very much alive and we were celebrating his life, not going into a situation that could not be changed. Traveling to NY would not bring her back, would not change the tragedy that had already occurred. Because the ground is frozen until spring thaw, she cannot even be buried until sometime in April or May and we are planning to join the family for the burial, even though financially it will be challenging. Now, M has spoken with both of his "brothers" and while I shouldn't be surprised by their response, I am. Both have expressed that he should have been there- the whole family was there except for him. One was much more understanding than the other, but I know M is hurting that it now appears to be a grudge against him that we didn't cancel our vacation and travel to upstate NY, despite not even knowing the arrangements that were made. I stand by our decision, which was really a decision forced by lack of information about arrangements/inaction. But not to hide behind a lack of information, even with advance knowledge of the arrangements, I would not have canceled my time dedicated to celebrate my son. And how ironic the same "brothers" that claim to be family never recognize anything important within our own family unit, such as M's birthday, major accomplishments, etc.
What do you think? What would you have done faced with the same situation?
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Rantin' and Ravin'
I'm stepping up on my little soap box to get a few things straight...what a week it's been. If you don't want to read a vent, keep on moving.1. This is America and we speak ENGLISH, that's right, E-N-G-L-I-S-H. I don't want to push 1, or 2, or 8 to speak to someone who can help me in English. When I go to Kohl's over the weekend and I'm ready to check-out and pay my hard earned $US for whatever it is I am purchasing, I expect the clerk to speak English, not Spanish. And then, to page for assistance over the store PA in Spanish? Ridiculous! Our flaw that is going to come back and bite most of us in the ass is that we've never declared English as the official language of this great nation and I fear the wake-up call for many will come too late, when we're all speaking Spanish to get by. If both sets of my grandparents could immigrate, dirt poor with a flock of kids that rivaled the Duggars, and learn to speak English instead of Italian or Ukranian, I fail to understand why a better educated and more financially secure society fails to do so. It used to be shameful to immigrate and speak your native language and today, it's just en vogue, right along with those anchor babies. In the meantime, my 4-year-old is teaching me Spanish.
2. My liberal friends are convinced that all of this snow across the country points to global warming; they even send me scholarly articles that support this crazy notion. It's snow, it's cold- we're not warming.
3. Taxes- I work in the financial services sector, but not in some make-a-buh-zillion dollars day trader role. My total compensation for the year is based on my peformance and my company's performance, split between salary and a cash bonus paid out in February. Since this is classified as bonus income, almost FIFTY percent of it went to taxes. Ah socialism...how nice that my hard earned dollars can pay for a welfare mama to sit home collecting her WIC and food stamps and Medicaid. Yes, that's harsh, and yes, some people do need assistance, but what about chronic abusers of "the system"? We know a woman who just had another kid on assistance, in her section 8 housing, with all her baby daddies paying child support, WIC and foodstamps buying the food and milk, and driving a newer Cadillac, getting her manicures done, perfect extensions, new cell phone with web services, and the list goes on. I'd LOVE to be home with my son full-time, but you know what, we cannot afford it, so I work. But it's a choice right? Well, it doesn't feel like there is much to choose from. I guess I could stay home full-time if we moved to po-dunks-ville, USA and lived in a trailer, but in this area of the country, Mama is bringin' home the bacon and her roots are showing because those low lights are out of the budget this month.
4. Let me get this straight...I had to be interviewed, my friends interviewed, my vet interviewed, and have two home visits conducted in order to adopt a dog a few years ago. Then I needed a license for the dog, and had to legally sign that if I ever tired of said dog (not a chance!) he was not mine to give away, but would need to be turned back over to the rescue agency...but any old set of idiots can procreate, then abuse, kill, or abandon their child while M and I struggle with infertility. What's up with that?
5. When your husband has a precancerous condition, and you say you are going to call within 7 days to provide biopsy results, and now 21 days have passed and still no call, yes, it's a very safe bet I am pissed and you are going to hear about that. Get over it.
6. I still think the Chinese cheated in the last Olympics, by competing with an underage gymnast, and yes, I still think Obama was born in Kenya and is not legally qualified to serve as Commander in Chief...even I could buy a fake birth certificate from Hawaii. Hope he enjoyed those 29 golf games his first year in office, because no one wants to point out he failed to accomplish ANYTHING, and that's with a congress dominated by his own jackass party.
7. Thank God...thank God I have my faith and I can lay this at His feet.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Really?
What is with 2010? If you read my last post, there have been some significant challenges in our start to the new year, with more that arrived. Please keep the following in your prayers:
M's "sister" Dee (Maxine's daughter) just had her portacath removed from her breast cancer chemo treatments last fall...all was thought to be clear from recent scans, but that is not the case. After dealing with intense headaches last week, a tumor was found on Dee's brain, behind her eye. She was in surgery first thing yesterday morning and is now in recovery. Please keep her, and her family, in her prayers...she is married to Rodney and mama to 5 kids.
M has an ulcer on his eye, which is causing a haze in his vision. We are praying this is not permanent, as it can be, and praying his eye heals with the treatments the eye specialist has prescribed.
A bit of a scare over the weekend, we found a tumor on our GSD's chest...took him to the vet yesterday and it was benign. Our vet was so compassionate, remembering all that we went through with our beloved Sam, and assured us this was not the same thing.
On a very happy note, we are taking C on a secret vacation in 10 short days! WOO-HOO!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
On the Edge...
We must be on to something big, something wonderful, and something just beyond our grasp, because it has all-out sucked around here lately. Better is in store, right?
Update on M:
Went in for radiofrequency ablation surgery on 1/27 for Barrett's...only the doc ended up not doing the ablation while Mark was under, but re-mapped the entire esophagus and took more biopsies. Results due this week, still no word. As a side note, nothing like driving around a very urban area for almost an hour, with closed streets, one-way, and under construction, to find a parking place. And the two armed guards in the recovery area? Nice touch. Then, this week, his left eye (completely unrelated to Barrett's) completely swelled up...saw an eye specialist and he has an ulcer in his iris...so now he is having to put drops and steriods in every hour. Really, we need a break here.
Work has been super, crazy, all-out-chaotic busy. So much so, that I don't want to think about it, write about it, etc. But I will say, something isn't kosher when I've got to spend an entire workday, and evening, on the phone to India to try to fix my work laptop. Note to Fortune 500s- outsourcing your tech support to Asia b/c it is cheaper does not mean it is better.
C- he's an enigma lately. I cannot believe he's turning 5 soon and how rebellious he's become in the past couple of weeks. I now understand why some animals eat their young.
Sadly, our 14 year-old-nephew passed away tragically and unexpectedly on 1/17- there are no words.
So, we're on the edge, but hopefully the good is headed back our way soon. Even in the midst of these trials, I am thankful my husband has one of the top docs in the world treating his condition, I'm thankful we both have jobs in this economy (although, I'd much rather be a SAHM)- it keeps the mortgage paid and the cupboards stocked, and C, well, you know I just love him to pieces, even when he's acting like a nut.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Our Life In Pictures #2
There's been so much going on lately...no real time to blog, so here is the quick update...maybe one day I'll get my recipes uploaded too!
A little brightness indoors
Shrimp stuffed poblano peppers
Making Valentine's treats
More Valentine's treats for C's class
Dax loves to watch the snow
PJ day at school
The birthday boy, in the birthday glasses
Birthday cupcakes
Sledding
Lost his first tooth
The tooth
Dax loves the snow
Snow day
A little brightness indoors
Shrimp stuffed poblano peppers
Making Valentine's treats
More Valentine's treats for C's class
Dax loves to watch the snow
PJ day at school
The birthday boy, in the birthday glasses
Birthday cupcakes
Sledding
Lost his first tooth
The tooth
Dax loves the snow
Snow day
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